He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
