im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize