It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
