but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
