Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
