this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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