Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
