just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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