Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
