I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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