umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
