This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
