i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
