By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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