I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
