He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Farmville is her only friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
