Dude my mom stole all your condoms
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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