omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
