So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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