A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
