I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
