I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
