it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
