I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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