if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
