i may or may not be watching the land before time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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