my mouth tastes like poor choices
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
