i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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