I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
