filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
