He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
