I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
