I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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