Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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