She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is Oprah even human
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
