Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
