with your own penis?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
