I smell stomach acid.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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