how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
