I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
