I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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