They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
