Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
