the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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