you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
