The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
