i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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