I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will be naked everywhere
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize