Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
