my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
