Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
