Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
