i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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