from now on my penis is your penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
