we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
