Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize