Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
