I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
