I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There r osticjed everywhere
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
