another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
