Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
