After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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