somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
