the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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