Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
