She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
