M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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