the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
