You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
