We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
