dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
