When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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