I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
