WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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