You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I touched a dick in church today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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