Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
