Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
