I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
