I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
