There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why didn't you poke me back
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
