I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
