my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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