I wish i was in the wii world.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
